What?

I am typing right now on my laptop. Both my chair and my table are dining chairs. The socket is too far away from the actual dinner table. Because of its faulty battery, my laptop must be plugged at all time if I want to use it. Oh, and my house’s dining room has become my living room.

That just made think: what if chairs and tables are just the same objects, albeit with different heights? I mean, I can use the dining chair as a table. But then, my back constantly hurts because I always need to bend forward. Other people in the house are pissed every time I spend too much time in my bedroom during the day.

What I do with my laptop? Well, I write….

Two Hours Later

…mostly rants and film reviews. “Reviews”. I am not sure if they actually are as I often analyse them for their thematics, using my personal points of view and them only. I almost never bother to be as objective as possible. It is miracle that I can finish one university course.

I am a horrible student at all stages of formal education. And yet, one ambition of mine is to obtain a PhD in a highly-interdisciplinary studies. A part of me wants to be an expert in various humanities and social studies disciplines. A polymath. But, I also hate the rigidity of formal education, hate how grades are the only acceptable methods of measuring intelligence.

If grades really measure how good students are, then my fellow students in junior and senior high schools were better students than I was because they had higher scores in national exams, despite the fact that most of them cheated. In Indonesia, genuine virtue is a sin. A fellow student said I was a know-it-all who overestimated my ability, my mom said I was a self-righteous asshole, simply because I refused to cheat.

Even to this day, at the old age of 25, I have yet to received any compliments regarding my success to pass the exams without cheating. That experience makes me scoff at the idea that simply having jobs give our lives meanings. Well, jobs give us money. But, meaningful lives?

I am suspicious that people who possess such belief are actually insecure about their jobs. Maybe they want an excuse, no matter how baseless it is, to make their jobs look better than they really are. I am also sure those same people are also the ones who rant about so-called ‘real’ jobs.

For some time, I didn’t know why people believed in ‘real’ jobs. Then, one day, I noticed those same people mocked Youtubers for not having ‘real’ jobs and implied that they wished Youtubers lost their ‘fake’ jobs. Now, I know what they meant by ‘real’ jobs.

A ‘real’ job is a job that is conventional and widely-accepted, is almost risk-free, encourages absolute conformity and discourages any forms of personal expressions. Youtubing is the complete opposite of that. Maybe those so-called ‘real’ jobs advocates are insecure about their orthodox jobs and jealous of people like Youtubers. Yes, I know it can sound childish and dishonest. Well, sometimes. My accusation is not that nonsensical once you can see people beyond their facades.

Sometimes, I just hate politeness. Don’t get me wrong. I think it is important for us to set boundaries when interacting with colleagues and strangers. But, people often use it to justify their unwillingness to be honest, use it to justify their tendency to back-stab anyone in their paths. Politeness has become the thing that hinders us from moving forward.

Many of my friends in high school had Sumatran upbringing, aka raised with almost no manners. I felt annoyed when inviting some of them to my house. But, their impolite nature also made them honest about my own flaws. They kept calling me out for my horrible behaviours. Even though I have stopped interacting with them for seven years (and I don’t know why I stopped), I credit them for preventing me to be a much shittier person.

Author: The Stammering Dunce

I write blogs. I love to act smarter than I really am and I pretend that my opinions are of any significance. Support me on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/user?u=9674796

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