Why I support state Sharia

1cqzzvgfj6kde1p-ssn9zbg

*puts on a mask*

Simple answer: it discriminates no one! First of all, why would state-implemented Sharia discriminates Muslims? We all want it, every single one of us. Even though there are over a billion of us, we all think the same! That is why there is no such thing as “Islamic denominations”; those Shias, Sufis, Quranists, Liberals and Ahmadis are Jews in disguises. That is why there is no such thing “interpretations” of Islam; if you want to know the one and only true Islam, just ask the lovable Daesh. Just follow it and you will be from harm.

Second, if it doesn’t discriminate Muslims, why would it discriminate those infidels? As much as I hate it, they are unreachable. They are guarded with devices that create protective invisible bubbles, blocking out Sharia’s “tough love” grips. Israeli-made. Those f**king Jews! Thanks to them, there is not a single infidels who got affected by Sharia. I dream of a world where they are also punished. Aaaah, it will always be a utopia.

Lastly, What is so bad about the whole thing? Seriously, do you prefer how the infidels handle crimes: fair trials and non-violent punishments? Ew! Humanity is only for softies who prefer emotions over logic. They even don’t know their priorities! Instead of punishing corrupters, why don’t they punish people who have consensual non-marital sex? It is unfair to sleazy and unattractive virgins like me!

Sharia! I want Sharia NOW!! NOW!!! I SAID NOW!!!!

MUUUUMMY!!! THEY ARE DISCRIMINATING ME!!! MUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!

*takes off the mask*

Two groups of people…and why they think Pewdiepie sucks

1ll8shinrzl1vcarzjvo5pq

*puts on a mask*

Haters who call themselves “reasonable critics”:

Pewdiepie is literally a bad person! How do we know? Well, just watch his videos; we have watched over two thousands of them. God, the constant screaming. Why can’t he be calm like Markiplier and Jacksepticeye? Also, LITERALLY every single one of his videos have rape jokes. Not to mention he stole money from the charities he started; our hatred of him is enough of an evidence. Why can’t he be moral like Alex Day, Sam Pepper and Onision? His fans are extremely childish. Why can’t they be like other fandoms that always resort to personal attacks? Seriously, you have to be so shamelessly uncultured and immoral to be his “bros”.

Bitter ex-fans who live the past:

Pewdiepie used to be waaay better. He encompassed everything that makes a Youtuber good: lazy video editing, repetitiveness, being offensive for the sake of it, constant screaming, overt niceness and, the best of all, constant pandering to fans. Now he is the complete opposite. The new Pewdiepie is all about more complex video editing that takes hours to do, social commentaries, satires, wits and honesty to fans. As disgusting as they sound, there is one thing he does that is much worse than killing babies: doing things because he wants to, not because people force him to! A good Youtuber should become less sophisticated and less honourable, not more.

*takes off the mask*

Three types people…and why they hate Pokemon Go

11k8vbmei8zuwygjkeoimrg

*puts on a mask*

Moral activists:

Pokemon Go is another form of entertainment! As Daan Achmad eloquently expressed in I am (self-)righteous, entertainment is evil! Not only it detracts us from reality, It also encourages us to ignore it completely! You are literally awarded for apathy of human suffering! Like Achmad, We are also literally psychics. We know what those entertainment junkies think and feel 24/7. Don’t you dare question us! We have a big ego to maintain!

Cool people:

Pokemon G makes nerd culture look better! That really hurts our feelings! We bully nerds and nerd culture because they were all about cultural and technological sophistication. You know, things that do not contribute to anything civilisations. But, this atrocity appears, encouraging nerds to be more social and physically active! They and their stinkin’ culture become our equals! If we don’t have anyone and anything to bully, how are we going to hide our own insecurity?

Conservative Muslims:

Pokemon is Jewish! It is created to poison the mind of Muslims! It is not a Japanese creation because Japan is not an existing country. It is a cover-up created by Israel. Just listen to the dialogues in Pokemon TV series, rewind them…and you can hear Yiddish. Yes, Yiddish, the official language of the Zionist state! I can deal corruption, violence, extremism and rape; there is nothing morally wrong with them. Jewishness, however, represents everything wrong with the world. It is literally the most immoral thing on earth!

*takes off the mask*

Vote!

*puts on a mask*

There are two good reasons why you need to always vote:

1. Voting makes you look contributive.

It doesn’t matter if you actually aren’t. If your vote turned into vampiric leeches who suck the blood of the people until they shrivelled up like dried fruits, Don’t worry. It is indeed your fault. But, you can blame it on the non-voters, who didn’t contribute anything to the country’ demise.

2. Voting makes you look intelligent and informed.

Again, it doesn’t matter if you actually aren’t. It is okay to use the “vote for the lesser evil” argument, which is a nice way of saying “vote for evil is good and no vote is evil”. It is okay to be effortlessly duped by politicians. It is even okay to know nothing about what you vote for…just like the genius Brits who voted for Brexit and were disappointed when it won.

Many voters are guilty of them and yet their image are still wrongly blemished (reminds me of corrupt politicians who got revoted over and over again). I think we should thank one group of people: the unbelievably naive imbeciles. Those critters, who are still influential, are naive about what it takes to be good citizens. They still believe we have to always vote, no matter how poorly-informed we are about the choices and/or how obscene they are. Thanks to them, genuinely repellent voters still have good reputation. If you want it, be one.

*takes off the mask*

The west should refuse the Syrian refugees…

*puts on a mask*

…because they can choose any places they want! They are given menus of countries and all they have to do is to pick one, just like in restaurants!

…because we can help them by staying in their homeland! Why would they need to escape the constant violence? It doesn’t make any sense!

…because of Islam! Islam is a hateful religion, as proven by Muslim extremists and Islamophobes! Christianity is a peaceful one, as proven by KKK, Westboro Baptist Church and the Crusades.

…because of multiculturalism! The west has been culturally static for millennia and those migrants would change everything!

…because they are homophobic and misogynistic! Homophobia and misogyny are the prerogative of westerners!

…because of gender roles! Most of the migrants are young men, as shown by a handful of photos I cherry-picked. It is morally unacceptable! One should prioritise shallow, arbitrary and ever-changing gender roles over personal safety!

…because they have cellphones and laptops! It is obvious that they have enough money to fund their own armies!

…because the west is overcrowded! Why don’t they stay in countries like Jordan, Turkey and Lebanon? Jordan has only half a million refugees while the other two only have a million each. Most western countries have less than a hundred thousand! A hundred thousand is bigger than half a million! Do Math, moran!

…because they should stay in Saudi Arabia! One should prioritise similar cultural and religious heritage over personal safety!

…because some of them committed crimes! They are Arabs/Muslims. Therefore, it is compulsory to judge all refugees based on the actions of a few.

…because they are not humans! Arabs/Muslims do not deserve humane treatment from us! We should treat them like the Nazis treat Jews!

We do have to consider the finance and security before accepting them. I know, I know. But, those are reasonable concerns. Being reasonable is lame.

*takes off the mask*

I support wars…

*puts on a mask*

…because they are arousing! I mean, come on. Politicians exploiting soldiers and civilians? Formerly thriving cities in ruins? Scarce basic needs? Soldiers revealing their darkest sides? Uncertainty that lies ahead? Bloodied and mutilated survivors? Burned and mutilated corpses? Survivors crying for their dead loved ones? Survivors got a lifetime supply of psychological trauma? I find them extremely erotic. People have tried to convince me otherwise…and none have succeeded.

I am not a fan of war news footage; they are tame like those fake sex scenes in film. I prefer graphic photos and videos. I always masturbate to them. Sometimes, I do it privately. Sometimes, I do it in front of others. Obviously, I do it with other pro-war rally-goers. But, the most important thing I masturbate to images of wars in classrooms! We have to indoctrinate the eroticism of gore and human suffering to children. The younger, the better.

I always vote for war-mongering politicians. They are the ones who bring countries to wars. They are the ones who cause human suffering. They are the ones who cause wars without any reasons other than pleasuring war fetishists like me. They are heroes. We should thrive on establishing a war-fetishising world. People who try to stop us should be violently silenced.

*takes off the mask*

How to be a good believer like me?

religion-praying*puts on a mask*

Just follow these three steps:

1. Read the scriptures literally.

Non-literal reading encourages doubt and that can lead to common sense. God is a tyrant who hates common sense. If you love God, treat Him like the way He is….or else.

2. Be a c*nt.

I don’t understand why people love being kind to one another. Dehumanisation of our fellow human beings is how I become closer to God, who is also a c*nt. If you love God, you should act like Him.

3. Bond with other c*nts.

If you want to be more spiritual, have them as companies. Being surrounded by them would help you get c*ntier.

4. …and the militant secularists.

They are also c*nts as well, just like us. They agree with us about what it takes to be true believers. We are not that different after all. Being c*nts together, forever…..

*takes off the mask*

Hufflepuff is the worst house….

*puts on a mask*

…because it accepts anyone, as long as they want to learn! Like, seriously? That is unacceptable! Gryffindor only accept brave students (despite the Cowardly Lion mascot), Slytherin only accepts ambitious (and racist) ones and Ravenclaw only accepts students with brains bigger than their humility! They are willing to bow to academic elitism and that is the best form of education! We should focus on important things….and willingness to learn is not one of them! Academic elitism believes that not all students deserve proper education. I don’t know why many are against it. Inequality is a beautiful thing. It is the only one thing that keeps the world united. Equality is an atrocity. It has LITERALLY killed more people than famine, diseases and wars combined.

*takes off the mask*

I oppose diversity…

*puts on a mask*

…because it is the only source of world’s problems. It provokes us to dehumanise and even violently harm each other. Sectarian politics does not cause intolerance nor does greed. It is all diversity’s fault.

…because human differences make me uncomfortable. It is unsettling how many people out there with cultural identities different from mine. If I have such discomfort, others must have it as well. My feelings are objective.

…because it encourages introspection about my own cultural heritage. That is unacceptable! Mine is perfect the way it is! Introspection will force me to acknowledge the imperfection beneath.

…because it allows people to speak any languages they want.

…because it allows them to embrace any religions they want.

…because it allows them to eat any food they want.

…because it allows them to enjoy any kinds of art and entertainment they want.

…because it plants the seed of hatred inside, making me demonise my fellow humans, turning me to a bloodthirsty BEAST THAT KILLS ANYONE WHO DARE TO BE DIFFERENT FROM ME!!!! AAAAAAAARRGGGHHH!!!

*Transform into a grotesque-looking beast from hell called The Diabolical Supremacist*

ROOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!

*start gutting the innocent humans around me*

DIVERSITY MAKES ME DO THIS!!! DIVERSITY MAKES ME DO THIS!!!! PLEASE!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!

*takes off the mask*