Quantico: a myriad of (personally) lovable characters

QUANTICO_Cast.jpg

I didn’t expect to like it. Yet, here I am, craving for new episodes. Why was it unexpected?

Well, it’s an action TV show. I can’t stand the genre. Never intrigued by imaginary physical actions. I can love action…if it’s mixed with other genres. I love Hot Fuzz because it’s humorous. I love Inception because it’s surreal. I love Quantico because it’s a suspenseful mystery.

I’m a sucker for the “ scary unknowns”. In the first season, almost every major character is suspected as the villain. It’s unpredictable. It’s terrifying. It’s helping me stay grounded in reality while being entertained at the same time. Sounds too far-fetched, I know. But, that’s what entertainment like Quantico does to me.

So far, the “scary unknowns” aren’t present in season two. But, the mystery is still strong. Also, season one showed how the characters aren’t what they seem. I hope the theme lingers. It’s a useful life lesson for all of us.

Speaking about the characters, I’m intrigued by three supporting ones in particular (nope, not a fan of the main one). One is Raina Amin, a hijabi Muslim. The lack of pigeonholing intrigues me. As a Muslim, I find it refreshing. Even in Indonesia, portrayals of hijabis are still stereotypical.

This character won’t be praised by conservative Muslims because she’s had pre-marital sex with more than one men; one was a Jew with whom she fell for. She’s also flexible with her hijab; she’s willing to take it off in certain situations. The best thing of all, she’s not a preachy B.

But, she will be hated by many liberal Muslims who think hijab is inherently oppressive or political. It doesn’t matter if the actual oppression or politics is there. Hijab triggers them. They think symbols only have one universally-accepted and never-changing meaning. You know, pretending to be open-minded.

Her major strengths are kindness, warmth and sensitivity. Her empathy is blind to human differences. She’s the complete opposite of her twin sister.

Nimah is irreligious…….and the winner of Ice Queen pageant. Seriously, it’s either she’s emotionally suppressed or she’s an android. She deserves “Mean-Ah” as a nickname. For me, she’s “that Lebanese C”.

Okay, I’m being too hard on her. Despite everything, she cares about her sister. Her “coldness” makes her a good FBI agent. She just wants the best for her sister, who often let emotions taking over. Oh wait, never mind. She was so mean to another character, the one that I also like. Yeah, still a big C.

That other character is Simon Asher. Unlike him, I’m not interested in the military or the law enforcement. I’m not being eaten by remorse. I also don’t have his strong sense of humanity. But, like him, I’m a bitter persona non grata.

We are deeply misunderstood who have done many good-intentioned actions. But, the bovine, reactionary, self-decepting and pseudo-pragmatic majority (which Nimah belongs to) only care about our “unacceptable” approaches. Our intentions never matter. They immediately staple damaging labels on us. Then, they are shocked by our antagonism, as if they deserve our altruism after this whole time.

Okay, it sounds like self-pity. But, I’m sick of the swollen-heads around me. Simon Asher’s existence as a character of a popular show restores my faith in mankind. I feel less lonely because of him.

Oh, I almost forgot. I have two other reasons to like him. First, Reina was the man she fell for; I love how the feeling was mutual. Second, he was the one who called Nimah “Mean-Ah”. He shared my habit to bad-mouth others.

The last character is Caleb Haas. He first appeared as an arrogant stud who have unwittingly turned someone suicidal. Very one-dimensionally unlovable. Of course, he veiled his own insecurity.

As the show progresses, his intelligence starts showing. The audience start seeing him as a capable law enforcer. He is trustworthy. Then, he starts showing his heart.

It’s kind, warm and sensitive, comparable to Raina’s. It’s the source of his insecurity, provoked by the familial troubles. But, it also makes him an ideal boyfriend (debatable) and friend. You can count him with his help, whether you ask for it or not.

He may be less interesting and a bit formulaic as a character. But, he’s still lovable and kind-hearted. I can see myself in Simon Asher. But, I also want to be Caleb Haas. A part of me want to be kinder.

Season two is still ongoing. As I said, the characters aren’t what they seem. My feelings for them may get more hostile, more affectionate or stay the same.

I have my share of art works and entertainment. Quantico is one of the few where I immerse myself in character anatomy, kindling contemplation about myself and how I judge others, especially the ones I hate. I learn a lot.

In Defense of Youtube

I don’t know how to “properly” describe Youtube.

For starter, Youtube annoys the shit out of “traditional” media because of no good reasons other than it exists. They are like older siblings who despise their newborn siblings, taking their parents’ attention.

But, in this age, “traditional” media are helpless without digital platforms, including Youtube. Especially Youtube. They need it to stay relevant. They are like annoying elders who talk shit about the youngsters they are dependent on.

People will refute my statement, saying that there are good reasons to hate Youtube. Things like poor content, lack of talent and quick fame and fortune. Youtube does have those traits…and so does “traditional” media.

First of all, poor content. Youtube does have mindless challenges videos, overt-reliance on slaptick, second-hand humour, screamy gamers, dramas, tasteless pranks and clickbaits. Understandbly, it’s hard to be convinced about some Youtubers’ talents. Some.

Venture deeper and you will find thoughtful vlogs, witty and off-beat humour, nicely-packaged educational videos, satires and even honest commentaries. Yes, they tend to have lesser views. But, many still manage to get over a million views per video. Talents, on some levels, are still appreciated.

“Traditional” media, even in the for-profit one, do have quality content. I love shows like Community and The Golden Girls. I enjoy reading highbrow periodicals. But, it’s undeniable that mediocrity also (and still) dominates the industry.

“Reality” shows, “educational” channels airing anything non-educational, pundits pretending to be journalists, unethical journalists, gossip columnists, imitative and skin-deep TV movies, paparazzi, shock jocks, sitcoms without humour, irresponsible coverage of extremists, inappropriate children’s shows, just to name a few.

Youtube’s young. It is still eleven years old. It having dumbed down content is understandable, albeit extremely annoying. In fact, it’s impressive how much quality videos it possesses. “Traditional” media having that flaw is more unforgivable.

Printed media is centuries old. Broadcasting media is around a century old. They have lots of time to improve themselves. But, sensibility isn’t for everyone. Up to these days, one can still find content so horrible, it makes you wonder if “traditional” media people ever finish pre-schools (pre-schoolers are smarter than them, anyway).

Second, easy fame and fortune. I have encountered various comments online about how “traditional” media are more resilient. Some use their own money to start their careers. They also have more rivals. Once again, easily debunked.

Yes, some do need to invest themselves. They do have to wait for their efforts to take off. But, once their works are published or broadcasted, they will undoubtedly get paid. That’s not the same with Youtubers.

They can immediately upload their videos. But, they are lucky if they get one view. Most of them keep making videos for years, not getting a penny, not knowing if their channels will ever take off. They don’t have viral videos. While waiting, they obviously need to make a living by having other full-time jobs.

Admittedly, a few do get instant fame. But, more of than not, their viral videos are mindlessly inept, no obvious signs of skilled video-making. In the end, those Youtubers quickly fade away, just like any other fads. If they want a Youtube career, they have to step up their game and not letting themselves judged by their viral videos.

Even if the videos are of finer quality, they still have to work harder. Their viral videos shouldn’t be their only magnum opuses. Get too comfortable and soon they’ll be another fads as well. Sad, wasted talents.

Talents. Skills. I admire “traditional” media people as well. But, I abhor the belief that every single one of them strongly have both and Youtubers have none. Again, easily debunked. (I copied and pasted that one).

In their early careers, Youtubers have to be their own hosts, actors, idea makers, camera operators, channel managers, editors, writers, thumbnail designers, special effects people, set designers, basically everything. As their channels grow, they have to become their own PR practitioners as well.

In their earliest videos, they may include other people to participate. But, they are usually either volunteering friends or relatives.

They can hire professionals, obviously. You know, the ones with actual needed skills. All they need is sufficient amount of money and leadership skills. That sounds like an easy feat, right? Right? Right?

“Traditional” media people don’t need to do that many tasks. More of than not, they are already assigned to focus on specific tasks. Not a requirement to be skilled in various disciplines (even though it is a plus point).

I also mentioned something about less rivalry in Youtube. Yeah, no. In “traditional” media, your rivals are the people who have entered or attempted to enter the industry. They’re not that visible. But, you know their exist. It’s not the same with Youtube.

Everyone who can access Youtube is a potential rival. Many started Youtube either out of boredom or the need for self-expression, no prior interest or skill in media. Never underestimate them, though. They can easily eclipse your gleaming career sooner or later.

Already-established Youtubers can possess millions of views and subscribers under their wings…and still be unknown by the majority of Youtube community. They are such a colossally-huge collective, it’s possible to be both popular and under-the-radar at the same time. It’s harder to know who your rivals are. The competition is absurdly more potent.

Actually, instant fame and fortune on Youtube is a possibility. All you need is one thing: an already-established “traditional” media career prior. With an escalator, you would have it way easier than many Youtubers.

(I acknowledge the rivalry aspect also applied to the world of blogging. But, as I’m new to it, I prefer to focus on Youtube instead).

If you think the title should be changed to “Youtube fanboy getting abusive traditional media”, I would agree with you. I admit that I am being harshly unfair against them, throwing all of their hardwork out of the window…

…Just like how people treat Youtubers. Many of us are too snobby to acknowledge their potentials, too ignorant to realise that the website’s much younger age. We are too comfortable with the olds, refusing to give the new a chance.

Notice how I type the word “traditional” with quotation marks. Well, I am one of the people who realise that everything old used to be new.

Slowly but surely, the new continues on its journey, resiliently defies the sneering from the old ones. Then, they relent, finally admitting the new one deserves a place among them. The new becomes old, slowly replacing its predecessors.

The story’s not done yet. The formerly new takes its turn as a sneerer, wishing that the new dies young…

…And repeat.

One day, digital media in general will be regarded as “traditional”. If Youtube dies, a new website will replace it. What we consider “traditional” nowadays will be too quaint, even older people will abandon them. Even digital media cannot escape such fate.

I overuse the word “traditional” here. I was warned that such practice takes away the meanings. Well, that won’t be a problem here. Traditionalism is not that meaningful. In the end, it’s more about widespread acceptance rather than supposedly-existing intrinsic values. Don’t judge something from its societal status.

(Wait, I also overuse the word Youtube. *sighs*. Oh well).

Oh and one more thing. I am indeed a Youtube fanboy and I am not ashamed of it. I love both the excellent and horrible content of the website. I also have never created a single video.

Well, I always want to. But, not only because I’m a chronic procrastinator, I also lack the confidence. I don’t have a single experience in both video-making and performing arts. So far, my confidence only extends to analysing Youtube…

…And blogging, of course.

Indonesia’s Spoiled Majority

MUI (Indonesia’s clerical council) has released a decree that prohibits employers from forcing Muslim employees to wear Christmas attires. It receives opposition from many members of the public, especially the non-Muslims.

Many of us are irritated by their complains. We think they’re disrespecting our Islamic way of life. We think they’re shoving their views down our throats. We think the decree only affects the lives of Muslims.

If you believe that, you’re ignorant about the religious life in Indonesia.

FPI (the Islamic defender front), following the recklessly-constructed decree, raided a few shopping malls in Surabaya. To hell with the Christians! There should be no Christmas celebration! That’s just one example. Without the FPI, Indonesians would still be “respected” anyway.

Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that the majority can suffer from discrimination, like black people under Apartheid South Africa and the Shias in Iraq whose government was controlled by the Sunnis. But, that’s not happening to Indonesian Muslims.

Events that are also attended by non-Muslims include Islamic prayers. The ministry of religious affairs is controlled by Muslims. There are lots of publicly-funded Islamic universities. TV schedules are re-arranged in every fasting month. We’re not only a respected majority, we’re also a spoiled one.

For many years, we’ve been having a higher status than the other religious groups in this country. As a result, we’ve become spoiled. Our self-indulgence makes us turn our backs against the discrimination faced by the minorities. Our self-indulgence makes us feel trampled when they ask for more sensible rights.

Our self-indulgence turns us into a shameless flock.

Mayoritas yang Manja di Indonesia

MUI membuat fatwa yang melarang tempat-tempat kerja mengharuskan karyawan-karyawan Muslim untuk mengenakan atribut-atribut Natal. Fatwa tersebut banyak mendapatkan tantangan dari masyarakat, terutama kalangan non-Muslim.

Banyak dari kita yang Muslim kesal dengan keluhan mereka. Kita menganggap mereka tidak menghormati kehidupan umat Muslim. Kita menganggap mereka memaksakan kehendak. Kita menganggap fatwa tersebut hanya memengaruhi kita sendiri.

Jika anda percaya itu, berarti anda bebal terhadap kenyataan kehidupan beragama di Indonesia.

FPI, mengikuti fatwa yang dibuat dengan ceroboh, melakukan razia hiasan natal di berbagai pusat-pusat perbelanjaan di Surabaya. Persetan dengan umat Nasrani! Tidak boleh ada perayaan natal! Itupun hanya satu contoh. Tanpa FPI pun, umat Muslim di Indonesia akan tetap “dihormati”.

Jangan salah. Saya juga percaya bahwa kalangan mayoritas dapat didiskriminasi, seperti orang-orang berkulit hitam di Afrika Selatan pada zaman Apartheid dan umat Syiah di Irak yang pemerintahnya dikuasai umat Sunni. Tetapi, hal itu tidak terjadi terhadap umat Muslim Indonesia.

Doa-doa Islami selalu dilakukan di acara-acara yang dihadiri umat non-Muslim. Kementerian agama dikuasai oleh umat Muslim. Banyak perguruan tinggi yang didanai langsung oleh pemerintah. Jadwal berbagai saluran TV dirubah setiap bulan puasa. Kita bukan hanya mayoritas yang dihormati, kita juga adalah mayoritas yang terlalu dimanja.

Selama bertahun-tahun lamanya, kita memiliki status yang lebih tinggi dibandingkan kelompok-kelompok agama lain di negeri ini. Akibatnya, kita menjadi sangat manja. Kemanjaan itu membuat kita membalikan badan terhadap diskriminasi yang dialami kalangan minoritas. Kemanjaan itu membuat kita merasa ditindas jika mereka meminta hak-hak lebih yang sewajarnya.

Kemanjaan itu membuat kita sebagai gerombolan yang tidak tahu diri.

Different types of Trump supporters

*puts on a mask*

The bigots:

They believe Trump will bring back the supposedly-existing natural superiority of the Aryans. Fuck those *insert various racial slurs here*. They don’t seem to mind that he’s an orange humanoid. They also believe he’ll strengthen the supposedly-natural hetero-normative idea that sexuality’s a moral choice.

The rights activists:

They praise him for his advocacy of equality and tolerance. They think him appointing white supremacists and homophobes isn’t a big deal. It’s a joke even. Obviously, the bigots will change their stances once in power. There are no such thing as powerful bigots.

The ones that are too desperate for changes:

They want changes no matter what. They don’t care if the new paths are leading us to a pile of diseased diarrhea belched out by an orange humanoid.

The business-minded ones:

They believe friendly business environment is the sole definition of humanity. Social justice is too worthlessly trivial. Thriving corporations is better than treating each other humanely. Therefore, it’s reasonable to vote for a four-times businessman.

The poor rural whites 1:

They are constantly neglected by those city slickers. They believe the man who was born rich, given a million dollar loan by his father, outsources jobs and has never experienced a single day in poverty is what they need. Nothing stupid about that.

The poor rural whites 2:
Again, the city slickers neglect them. That’s why they want to ruin their lives by deliberately voting for a destructive humanoid. Obviously, if you ruin the life of someone who neglects you, he/she would end up taking care of you. He/she would not have an actually good reason to neglect you.

The self-hating Muslims:

They feel they deserve nothing but mistreatment by their fellow human beings. They dream of getting all sorts of abuse, including waterboarding. It’s a BDSM kink of theirs. Don’t judge! Different strokes for different folks!

The America-hating Muslims:

They believe getting Trump elected is the best way to annihilate the power-hungry nation. No need to establish an army of exploitable Muslims who crave the sense of belonging and knows nothing about the extremist group they are joining.

*takes off the mask*

The problems with anti-Ahok demonstrations

Brainless Muslims

The alleged blasphemy never existed in the first place. It’s obvious how the incriminating video was edited by Buni Yani, a proudly irresponsible and victim card-playing human being.

The editing is so obvious, even for the untrained eyes. All you need is to use your brain. Well, if you have one, anyway.

Easily offended Muslims

Whether Ahok was being blasphemous or not, that’s irrelevant. If he was, so what?

Are we so fragile against criticism of our own religion? Do we really believe everyone must love Islam?

If Islam is really the truest and strongest of all religions, do we really need to defend it so aggressively to the point of making the complete opposite impression?

I am sure the people who got offended by Ahok’s so-called blasphemy love to offend the sentiment of other religious groups. The right of being angry is exclusively theirs.

Naming the December 2nd demonstration as a “peaceful act”

Demonstration was done in the first place because certain people possessed hatred against someone that they deem offend them.

Demonstrators were caught red-handed harassing reporters.

FPI, who is no stranger sectarianism and extremism, was involved in the demonstration.

They did their Friday prayer in the middle of the road, disturbing other road users. The prayer could have been done in mosques.

They also promise more demonstrations in the future. They won’t stop until Ahok is arrested for something he didn’t do.

Is it appropriate to call this divisiness “peaceful”?

The wrapped rice army

It’s not a secret in Indonesia. Many of us are willing to demonstrate for the sake of rice and small allowance. Whether they understand the message of the demonstration, it doesn’t matter. Just give them the rewards.

It is tempting to Indonesians who live in poverty. But, I know that many of us are willing to whore ourselves even for the smallest rewards.

Money-oriented news coverage

I am delighted about the two counter-demonstrations. They may not have any depth. They may be used as vehicles for political parties. But, that doesn’t matter. What matters is their explicit message about the beauty of Bhinneka Tunggal Ika (Unity in Diversity), especially in this increasingly sectarian age.

But, I am disappointed with the coverage by the media, both domestic and foreign, who focused too much on the anti-Ahok demonstrations and too little on the counter ones. Bad news thicken our pockets.

This kind of coverage unwittingly portrays those humans of hatred as the representatives of all mankind, as if their views are the only ones that matter. In the end, they are given more power the peace-loving and pluralist human beings.

Because of their great influence, the media has a responsibility for the society. But then, they think profit is more important.

Blasphemy legislation

I am one of the people who oppose it.

Even though I hate what people say about my religion, I also believe in individual freedoms. I cannot force others to love my religion like I do. I also have to learn to not get offended easily.

More often than not, a statement is considered as blasphemous…if it contradicts with the views of many. Figures like Quraish Shihab and Ulil Abshar Abdallah have such statements.

They never intended to be that way. What they do is having their own interpretations of the scripture. The problem rises when others disagree with them.

This legislation is dangerous because it prosecutes anyone who dares to think differently.

Naming the demonstrations as “defense of Islam”

Do you want to beautify our name? Show that we actually deserve respect.

Show the world that we are peace-loving.

Show them that we are intelligent and willing to have civilised conversations.

Show them that we are willing to treat everyone humanely, not matter what their backgrounds are.

But, that’s not what have been done. Some of us are aroused to do the opposite: being divisive, refusing conversation and even encouraging violence to each other…

…and all of those done in the name of Islam and Muslims.

If that’s how you live your life, don’t call yourself defenders of Islam. In fact, it seems you make efforts to taint the imagine of our religion and our people.

You should be the ones prosecuted for blasphemy, not Ahok.

Permasalahan Seputar Unjuk Rasa Anti-Ahok

Umat Muslim yang tidak menggunakan otak

Penistaan agama yang dimaksud sebenarnya tidak ada wujudnya. Sudah jelas video yang memberatkan Ahok itu disunting oleh Buni Yani, manusia yang bangga dengan ketiadaan rasa tanggung jawab di dalam dirinya dan sok menjadi korban.

Suntingan di video tersebut sangatlah jelas. Anda tidak perlu menjadi seorang pakar untuk melihatnya. Anda hanya perlu menggunakan otak. Jika anda punya, tentunya.

Umat Muslim yang gampang tersinggung

Apakah Ahok benar-benar melakukan penistaaan atau tidak, itu tidak penting. Jika penistaannya memang ada, terus kenapa?

Apakah kita sangat lemah terhadap kritikan terhadap agama kita? Apakah kita benar-benar berpikir bahwa semua orang harus menyukai Islam?

Jika Islam memang agama yang kuat dan paling benar, apa perlu kita bela dengan begitu agresif sehingga menimbulkan kesan yang sebaliknya?

Saya yakin bahwa orang-orang yang tersinggung dengan dugaan penistaan Ahok sering menyinggung perasaan umat beragama yang lain. Tetapi, hanya mereka yang boleh marah.

Menamakan unjuk rasa 212 sebagai “aksi damai”

Unjuk rasa dilakukan karena kebencian sebagian orang-orang terhadap seseorang yang dianggap meyinggung perasaaan mereka.

Para pengunjuk rasa tertangkap basah mengusik beberapa wartawan yang meliput mereka.

FPI, yang terkenal dengan konflik umat beragama ciptaan mereka dan penyebaran ajaran-ajaran ekstrem, terlibat dalam unjuk rasa ini.

Mereka melakukan Shalat Jumat di jalan raya, mengganggu kenyamanan pengguna jalan yang lain, walaupun itu bisa mereka lakukan di berbagai mesjid.

Mereka juga berjanji tidak akan berhenti berunjuk rasa sampai Ahok ditahan karena melakukan sesuatu yang dia tidak pernah lakukan.

Unjuk rasa yang mengikis kesatuan bangsa, itu yang pantas dianggap “damai”?

Pasukan nasi bungkus

Ini bukanlah suatu rahasia di Indonesia. Banyak dari kita bersedia berunjuk rasa hanya demi sebungkus nasi dan uang jajan. Apakah mereka paham dengan masalah yang diunjukrasakan, itu tidak penting. Yang penting adalah mereka dapat imbalan.

Itu tentu saja menggiurkan bagi banyak warga negara Indonesia yang hidup di bawah garis kemiskinan. Tetapi, saya juga tahu bahwa banyak dari kita yang bersedia menjual diri demi imbalan sekecil apapun.

Liputan berita yang mementingkan keuntungan

Saya senang bahwa dua unjuk rasa balasan telah dilakukan. Apakah mereka berbobot atau tidak, itu tidak masalah. Mungkin mereka ditunggangi oleh partai-partai politik. Tetapi, yang penting pesan mereka berpaku pada indahnya Bhinneka Tunggal Ika, apalagi kita hidup di zaman yang semakin berbau SARA.

Tetapi saya kecewa dengan liputan media, baik dari dalam dan luar negeri, yang terlalu terpaku pada unjuk rasa menentang Ahok dan jarang pada unjuk rasa balasan. Berita buruk mempertebal kantong, berita baik tidak.

Liputan yang cenderung terpaku pada manusia-manusia penuh kebencian seolah menggambarkan bahwa mereka mewakili kita semua, seolah-olah hanya sudut pandang merekalah yang pantas didengar. Pada akhirnya, mereka diberi kekuatan lebih daripada manusia-manusia yang cinta damai dan keragaman.

Karena pengaruh mereka yang besar, media seharusnya bertanggung jawab terhadap masyarakat. Tetapi, bagi mereka, kantong tebal jauh lebih penting.

Undang-undang penistaan agama

Saya adalah salah satu dari banyak orang yang menentang UU tersebut.

Walaupun saya benci dengan apa yang dikatakan banyak orang tentang agama saya, saya juga percaya dengan kebebasan individu. Saya tidak bisa memaksakan semua orang untuk menyukai agama saya. Saya juga harus belajar untuk tidak gampang tersinggung.

Sering kali, suatu pernyataan dianggap sebagai penistaan agama…hanya karena bertentangan dengan sudut pandang khayalak. Tokoh-tokoh seperti Quraish Shihab dan Ulil Abshar Abdallah mengeluarkan pernyataan-pernyataan yang dapat dianggap sebagai penistaan.

Mereka tidak pernah berniat melakukan itu. Yang mereka lakukan adalah mengkaji kitab suci Al-Quran dan membuat penafsiran mereka sendiri. Permasalahan muncul karena penafsiran mereka ditentang banyak orang.

UU ini sangatlah berbahaya karena orang-orang dapat dihukum hanya karena pola pikir yang berbeda.

Menamakan unjuk rasa sebagai “aksi bela Islam”

Mau mengharumkan nama umat? Buktikan bahwa kita pantas dihormati.

Tunjukkan bahwa kita adalah umat beradab yang cinta damai.

Tunjukkan bahwa kita adalah umat yang cerdas dan mau melakukan silang pendapat dengan terhormat.

Tunjukkan bahwa kita memerlakukan siapapun dengan cara manusia, apapun latar belakang mereka.

Tetapi, bukan itulah yang dilakukan. Sebagian dari kita terangsang untuk melakukan yang sebaliknya: memancing perpecahan, menolak silang pendapat dan bahkan menganjurkan kekerasan terhadap sesama manusia…

…dan itu semua dilakukan atas nama Islam dan Umat Muslim.

Jika itu adalah cara anda hidup, janganlah anda memanggil diri anda pembela Islam. Justru, anda terkesan berusaha keras untuk menjelek-jelekkan nama agama dan umat kita.

Andalah yang pantas dituntut atas penistaan agama, bukan Ahok.

The Brief Tale Of The Citrus Man

Infants cry in terror at his presence. Garden-gnomes connoisseurs think he is the only gnome they abhor. The devoutees believe he’s Satan’s novice. Incubi are shamefaced by him. Sciencemen think he is one rare and grotesque specimen. The more immoral he is, the more he is loved. His existence is a literal abomination.

He is the Citrus Man!

His power? Birthing minions seemingly out of nowhere. Some say they are plucked out fresh from the earth, with shrieks worse than the Mandrakes’. Some say he takes them out of their festering yet safe wardrobes.

He spews vomit and faeces on collossal quanta, burdening our heavily-plagued existence with more diseases. His minions delightfully gorge on them…for different reasons:

Some think his waste isn’t one at all. They earnestly believe it’s a delectable tonic. It’s sadly foreseeable, considering their deplorably impaired senses. Others do see it as waste. Their senses are perfectly functional. Yet, they’re still golloping it. They don’t understand others’ aversion against his filth. That’s not even the worse part.

They want him to be crowned, to be seated on the throne. His Highness, King Citrus Man. Oh, Lord. The aroma may have spread all over the earthly sphere. But, pity the ones who share a realm with him. Pity them who are smothered by his loathly residue.

Of course, others aspirants exist. Sadly, they are a diplomatic swindler, a Janus-faced healer and a sombrely unlettered sportsman. What an assortment.

Even with more honourable challengers, even if they are victorious, the Citrus Man has opened the Pandora’s box. It will take many suns to mend the world, to extinguish every single morsel of the unleashed degeneracy.

His existence is a literal abomination.

The dignified Indonesians

*puts on a mask*

Dignified how? Well, we have ancestral pride. We, the inlanders*, believe it’s appropriate to f*ck the outlanders. We can choose our ancestry. Before entering them, our souls can choose any bodies we want. Good people choose the ones of pure-blooded natives.

We also love light skin. This is why we also f*ck the Papuans. We take their resources, neglect their development and gets pissed when separatism happens. It’s their destiny to be our pet monkeys. We have to keep that stays rooted.

But, when other countries accuse us of those, we won’t admit it. Instead, we accuse other nations of it, even though they’re not. The world hates our dignity. As much it sucks, maintaining a good image is a priority. Revealing the truth’s optional.

I don’t know why Indonesia gets all the shit. If our traits are indeed bad, then explain why we are one of the best countries? We top the human rights and human development charts! We are a model country! The other best countries are similar to us! Those critics are just jealous haters. They always are.

*takes off the mask*

*A pejorative nickname for the natives during Dutch colonialism

Three types people…and why they hate Pokemon Go

11k8vbmei8zuwygjkeoimrg

*puts on a mask*

Moral activists:

Pokemon Go is another form of entertainment! As Daan Achmad eloquently expressed in I am (self-)righteous, entertainment is evil! Not only it detracts us from reality, It also encourages us to ignore it completely! You are literally awarded for apathy of human suffering! Like Achmad, We are also literally psychics. We know what those entertainment junkies think and feel 24/7. Don’t you dare question us! We have a big ego to maintain!

Cool people:

Pokemon G makes nerd culture look better! That really hurts our feelings! We bully nerds and nerd culture because they were all about cultural and technological sophistication. You know, things that do not contribute to anything civilisations. But, this atrocity appears, encouraging nerds to be more social and physically active! They and their stinkin’ culture become our equals! If we don’t have anyone and anything to bully, how are we going to hide our own insecurity?

Conservative Muslims:

Pokemon is Jewish! It is created to poison the mind of Muslims! It is not a Japanese creation because Japan is not an existing country. It is a cover-up created by Israel. Just listen to the dialogues in Pokemon TV series, rewind them…and you can hear Yiddish. Yes, Yiddish, the official language of the Zionist state! I can deal corruption, violence, extremism and rape; there is nothing morally wrong with them. Jewishness, however, represents everything wrong with the world. It is literally the most immoral thing on earth!

*takes off the mask*